The Biggest Devil

So, I woke up this morning and popped in my new Biggest Loser Yoga for Weight Loss DVD. I'm a huge (literally and figuratively) fan of the show, and I thought if anyone could help me shed the pounds it would be my old friend Bob. I don't know if I lost fat, but I definitely shed a few pounds in tears.

I've done a little bit of yoga before. I remember lots of breathing, some deep stretches and repeatedly struggling to keep my balance. This DVD was not that kind of yoga. Gone were the stretches that encouraged flexibility. Rarely was it a matter of mastering my own balance. This was less about calm breathing and more about...hurting me.

In a previous post I talked about how the super-chipper models in most fitness videos drive me insane. "Isn't this exercise a fun challenge?" No, madam, it's not fun...and now I want to hurt you. Their gleeful expressions during horrible exercises lead me to believe that they are masochistic fools.

Bob, good ol' Bob, he's a different animal. He's not a masochist...he's a proud sadist. At one point, over the sounds of my own agonized grunting, Bob called out (I wish I was kidding.) "I can smell your leg cooking."

Seriously, Bob, that's terrifying. Not only does it convey the fact that you take pleasure in my pain, but it leads me to believe that once my limbs reach the right temperature you very well might kill and eat me. The only thing protecting me right now is the fact that I'm still pretty fat. I'd be way to high calorie of a snack for Bob right now.

An added benefit of this video is that the folks demonstrating the poses behind Bob aren't the underwear models you find in most fitness DVD's. Instead, the background is populated by former contestants on the Biggest Loser. This is great because now I don't have my go-to excuse of, "Well of course I can't do that, just look at that dudes abs. He's smuggling an egg crate!" Instead, I'm actually smaller than some of these folks. I almost typed "in better shape" there, but then I remembered how hard I was crying trying to hold those poses.

Overall, this was a great workout. It really did push me to my physical limits and beyond a few times. I'll definitely pop it in again once I get over the image of Bob Lecter feasting on my roasted quads.